The Robin By the Window

I have an exciting thing going on right outside of my window.  I have a robin’s nest within 3 feet of my bedroom window and only about an arm’s reach above my head.

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It is tucked neatly under a deck on pilings off of the second floor.  I first noticed it about two weeks ago, and I stood there to see if any birds were sitting on the nest.  It wasn’t long before a robin with a robust rust brown belly, and yellow beak flew under the deck and sat down. I got really excited and got on my tippy toes from inside of my bedroom, but I could not see any eggs when she flew away.

The next few days, I watched with curiosity trying to stay far enough away as not to spook her. I could not see anything. I just had to believe the eggs were there and wait. I knew the babies had hard work ahead of them to break through the shells, but there was something good coming.

I also enjoyed watching mommy robin hop along all over the back yard looking for worms in the lush green grass deep in the soggy ground.  When she was full, she would fly back and wiggle herself down onto the nest.  I just knew there had to be eggs.

After a few days of watching her, I began to see another robin helping her sit on the nest.  I decided it must have been daddy robin.  From Google, I found out that they both watch over the eggs and that the whole process only lasted two weeks.  I was scrambling trying to figure out how many days it had been since I first saw the nest.  I was not sure, but I continued watching every day and noticed how this bird just lived.  No concerns, no worries.  Everything is provided. A new life is being created.

A few more days passed, and I was looking for signs of babies when one of the adult robins flew back with a wiggly worm in its beak.  I did a quiet mini jump up and down session!  I had babies!  Well, the robin technically had the babies, but I was witnessing this event.  I was so excited. I’m sorry that I don’t have a high-speed camera to capture it, but I still wanted to share the pictures.

 

Oh, my gosh! They were hungry! At first, I could only see the pointy little beaks above the top of the nest.  But each day their scrawny featherless necks reached higher and demanded more food. I read that the male and female robins would fly back and forth as many as 100 times feeding the newly hatched babies every day. That was dedication along with fortitude; something that we also need to have when living with chronic pain.

So the baby birds grew each day, and I could tell their feathers were beginning to fluff up.  I am amazed at how fast and how much they change each day.  Two days ago, one of the two babies was very wobbly in the nest while trying to spread out his wings.  He just wasn’t sure exactly how to do it, but he keeps trying. Then today, both the birds were spreading out, taking up most of the nest so mom, or it could have been dad, sat on the 2×4 beside the nest.  They were obviously in the teenager stage, pushing the limits with their parents!  HA HA!

I checked on them a few times today, and they have not left the nest yet, but it will happen within a few days. I hope I don’t miss it.

I also found out that a robin is a sign of new beginnings or rebirth, and I thought that was so very appropriate to my life where it is right now. Maybe you can relate.

I started school to help me to be better equipped to help others that are living with chronic pain. I moved to a new state and to a town where I do not know anyone. That was big. I’ve had a lot of firsts in the past three months, causing me to need to reinvent myself again. It seems like that is precisely what life is about: constant change.

I am going through new beginnings in my life, and God has provided everything and every person that I need, and He will continue to do that for me. He will help you too.

On my hardest days, He provided a verse, a friend, or a robin to encourage me and guide me on this journey. I’ve found that we can accept the new beginnings that chronic pain brings. We don’t have to focus on the endings that pain brings to our lives. Don’t get stuck there.

I know you had a full life before chronic pain and you feel cheated. It is debilitating, and it can just stop you dead in your tracks. You think it’s all over, but it’s not just an ending of life as you knew it.

It is also the beginning of something new in your life.  It’s the beginning of the challenge of redefining yourself in a new way.

Is it easy to bring about this new birth?  No, think of the babies breaking through the shell and the work of feeding their new life.  It was a lot of work to fly back and forth to feed their babies 100 times a day.  There will be a lot of struggling to experience getting out of your comfort zone. It’s hard work to change your mindset.  It may be trial and error before you figure it out, but you will eventually find a new purpose in life while learning to accept the closing doors.

Just like the robins by the window, I see a new birth coming to fruition in life amid my chronic pain. You have a new story in you also.   This week I encourage you to look for that newness that you can bring to your life.

Much Love & Many Prayers,

Cindy

Lead Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash

Rest of Photos by Cindy

 

Blessed Are The Cracks

“You have a story—

a very important story that rests at the core of your being, a story to tell.

It is a story that has torn your heart into pieces, and it is a story of beauty, because your heart couldn’t have been torn without first having loved and somehow lost something you loved.

Now is the time to begin honoring your story…blessed are the cracked, for they shall let the light in.”

–Susan Zimmerman

 

Just wanted to share this with everyone.  I pray that everyone can cope well enough to have a good day.

 

Much Love & Many Prayers,

Cindy

 

Longing for Answers

This morning I woke up with a thousand things to do that were urgent. My brain jumped to screaming everything I needed to do, but my soul said, stop…breathe….go to the light for peace, then proceed.

When I got out of bed, I decided to spend time praising God for rewriting my story with the love of Jesus. I spent about 30 mins listening to Laren Daigle lastest album and only praising God. This is no quick fix, but the peace it brings is amazing.

Today was a productive day because I put my trust in God. I believe that is the reason why it went well and I accomplished so much even with a horrible cold and physical pain.

Now last year, my buzz word was “believe.” I saw that word pop up everywhere, and I had a very specific prayer answered surrounding the word believe. The verse, help me with my unbelief, changed my life, but it took 10 years for my prayer of “help me with my unbelief” to be answered.

Sometimes God doesn’t give an immediate answer. I had to wait for my answers. The wait was hard and sometimes, I felt like giving up. But the realization of seeing my prayer answered, even 10 years later, is a very powerful feeling of complete trust in God.

So, that’s why my buzz word for 2019 has been TRUST. I am seeing it everywhere in scripture and even in conversations with people that are giving me good advice…just wait, and trust that God has this. He knows what is going on and in his time, he will answer. I believe that to be true.

I’ve seen the power of prayer so many times that I cannot remember them all. I wish I had kept a journal of God’s blessings and provisions, but my memory will have to serve as my testimony. Sometimes my memory isn’t so great so it will take habits of spending time in the Bible and in prayer to constantly remind me.

Spending time in the Bible has always been hard for me because I am so ADHD. I have a hard time reading and even studying, so it takes extra effort. I have read the Bible through multiple times, but I always skipped Revelation.😃

Lots of people try to read the Bible through in a year, I think that’s a bit much. I always did it in two years and it went well without the extra pressure, but it’s ok if it takes you three or four years. Make the commitment to read 10 mins a day and you will get through reading the Bible in YOUR time and that’s ok.

Prayer can be in any form: music, writing, and the spoken word. I’m sure you can come up with more ways to pray. Everyone is different.

I believe it is just like talking to a beloved friend or confidant. Just talk. There is no special formula to get the job done. Just speak to Him and He will hear you, but His answer may be, wait, like it was for me. My answer developed over 10 years, but the answers came. In the meantime, I cultivated a relationship with Him. That makes it worth the wait and the pain journey easier.

So, if you are waiting on an answer that you desperately need, maybe about your chronic pain, just wait and while you wait, cultivate a relationship with God with prayer with praise and reading God’s word. Doing these things will not fail you. Trust in Him to bring your dreams to fruition. He’s that powerful.

I hope everyone is safe and that you feel the best you can in whatever situation you are in.

Much Love & Many Prayers,

Cindy

Music is My Shorthand

Tonight, I am doing fairly well but there are some out there that are feeling like they just cannot keep going.

If that is you tonight, this video is for you.

If you are doing good, please stop one minute to pray for the people that cannot see their way at this moment.

Chronic pain often forces us to remain isolated and feeling alone. We have all had those moments that makes us fearful of our future.

So tonight, remember that you are not alone.

Much Love & Many Prayers,
Cindy

International Association for Suicide Prevention

Photo by Krystal Ng on Unsplash

Music is the shorthand of emotion.” – Leo Tolstoy quote from BrainyQuote.com

My Temple

Today, I was going through last years datebook and found a prayer that I had shared in a blog last year.  I would like to share it again today.  It’s a great reminder that in all of the mess we can feel gratitude within the stuggles of fighting with a broken earthly body.

Creator God:

Thank you for this body. Thank you for the gift of movement, the gift of touch, the gift of laughter.  When I am at odds with my body, please help me focus my thoughts to what my body can do and the ways it can serve you. Thank you for the nerves and synapses. arterteries, and brain cells, that make me who I am, your creation.  Amen

Enjoy your weekend!

Much Love & Many Prayers,

Cindy

Beautiful New Beginnings

I pray that everyone had a blessed Christmas Season. As the holidays close and the year ends, I have been reflecting on the past twelve months.

A roller coaster at times, 2018 has been an interesting year for sure. Stress-wise, it has been a really hard year for many reasons, which contributes to extra pain, but I am still standing just like my tattoo says… Still I rise. I may be battle weary, but I am upright.

In spite of 2018 being stressful, I made some accomplishments that makes me proud.  I think more than anything, I learned to stop fighting the process.  Life is not simple.  In fact, it is pretty messy, but I found some beauty in the mess if I kept my focus on what really matters in life to me.

Some highlights of my year:

  • I wrote for my blog and Survivors Blog Here, and I wrote articles for The Mighty and Sivana East. I have been amazed at how far my words have gone in the world. I am humbled by the many people that have stopped for a moment to leave an encouraging word. 💚
  • I went to Chicago in June with hubby for a chronic pain support group leader training. He went through the training with me. It was an incredible opportunity for both of us. We learned things that will benefit each of us individually and our marriage. We are very thankful that Pain Connection, through the US Pain Foundation, held the training.
  • I met some unbelievably supportive people through my writing and through doing advocacy work. Some have shared their hearts with me. Some have helped me hone my blog with their encouragement and guidance. Others have shared the ropes of advocacy and how to accomplish reaching the politicians with our unique chronic pain perspective.
  • I met with my US House of Representative’s office this year about how the chronic pain community has been affected by the misinterpreted CDC’s opioid prescribing guidelines. Once again, the words came effortlessly to me, and I knew I was on the right path.
  • The Alliance of the Treatment of Intractable Pain (ATIP) asked me to help recruit and manage volunteer advocates for them. It is a wonderful group of people deeply dedicated to fighting for the rights of chronic pain patients. I am honored to be apart of this organization.
  • We lived through historical rain fall amounts when Hurricane Florence came though our area. It’s the worst hurricane I have been through, but thankfully, we had minimal damage. During that week, I had to push through the pain, no matter what, to keep my 84 year old mother comfortable and keep food cold without power, and to cook and clean. I fell into bed exhausted every night, but I learned something about myself. I do have what it takes to survive anything. I can endure much more than I thought.

As I found where my true strength lies this year, in Christ, I learned I am capable of accomplishing many things that I thought I could not. Every moment has been a “learning” crawl but I know I have not been alone.

I have had all of you along during the past year, which I am thankful for every day. I have learned something from each of you. Some blogs I read made me cry. Some, made me giggle, but mostly, the blogs I read encouraged and inspired me.

I have high hopes for 2019.  There are many things coming together in my life which I want to share with you this coming year.

Thank you for walking this journey with me.  Here’s to the year 2019 and beautiful beginnings.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

Much Love and Many Prayers,

Cindy

Photo Credit: Steve Halama on Unsplash

He Cares For You

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I memorized this verse a very long time ago when I was teaching a Sunday school class for 1st graders. It’s a simple verse that even the kids could memorize.

How can a Bible verse help you in today’s world? If your hope is in Him, you know there will be a glorious day when all the pain ends. That’s literally what keeps me going every morning when I wake up.

I do not believe meditating on a Bible verse relieves chronic pain.

Every morning I’m usually in the same amount of pain when I wake up. It’s not easy to keep going, but my hope is not from this world. Knowing there will be an end to the pain gives me the hope I need to continue my life.

It is like a birth. You know at the end of the pain there will be a reward of a baby when it is over.

I choose to look at my salvation in that way also. Life is hard with physical and emotional pain. This world is not our world. We will feel pain of all kinds, but there is a reward much greater than we can imagine.

This verse helps me trust in God giving me peace so that I can focus on what is important, helping others, instead of worrying.

Do you have a Bible verse that carries you through hard times? Please share. It could encourage someone else. You never know the impact you can make by reaching out to help others.

Much Love and Many Prayers,

Cindy

Goodbye Hurricane Florence

I have been sitting at my desk just staring.  I am exhausted, but I’m still trying to keep going.  It has been a little over one week since I began preparing for Hurricane Florence to hit us. 

The storm nailed our area.  Went right over us. We are ok, thank God, but so many other lives have been completely devastated.

I cannot imagine the pain that people all around me are in today. I am really sad today even though we have been spared the worst.  I’m sad for what the people with pain are going through trying to survive if they lost their homes, their medicines, or other medical devices. 

I know that BCBSNC has a healthline for it’s members in North Carolina 1-877-477-2424.

There is also free for this area MDs live through Teladoc 1-855-756-8708  & MDLive 1-888-959-9516 .

Also, call Magellen for national crisis line for help in this area 1-800-327-7451

If anyone wants to volunteer, North Carolina Organizations Active in Disaster

Like everyone else, I pushed my body way past the breaking point, and then some, to do what we had to do.  I wanted to keep mom comfortable while power was out. Being 83 years old, I was more concerned about her with the heat than anything else.

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We cooked some really great food on the grill during the storm.  I’m sure I gained 15 pounds. Hot eggs with sausage and english muffins each morning is not bad.  This picture was during the calm after the storm.  We didn’t take the time to take pictures of the other meals but believe me, we ate good. So, thankful.

 

We are so blessed with only water damage from the roof leaking, so that makes me feel guilty for even thinking about feeling bad at this moment while looking out the window at the perfectly Carolina blue sky.

A couple of my friends bailed and can’t get back.  One friend is stuck with only 5 gallons of gas a neighbor graciously gave them because someone siphoned my friend’s gas out of their truck. Another good friend’s daughter lost everything of hers and her three children.

On a happier note, we have some really great neighbors across the street that stood in line for a long time to go in groups of ten at a time into the grocery store to get food for all of us.

At the same time they were there, we were also able to get out on one road to a small town with a small Walmart.  The shelves were empty, but they had water. While the store was extremely packed and busy, everyone was being polite and helpful even though we were all worried about getting back to our homes because of the continuing down pour and the fact that the flood waters were rising fast.

When the worst of the storm was over for us, we were able to help other friends out with gas, water, and food.  I have seen first hand how a disaster brings out the best in people, but I would like to catch the thief that stole gas from my friend!

A note about the support group and advocacy work: 

I sent a proposal to a new church about using their facilities for our meetings.  The storm will likely slow down the progress of it being approved.  I will just need to have patience.

Even before the hurricane, the physical pain put me in bed many times during the day leaving me unable to get things completed. 

It is very hard to get anything started, much less finished because I must stop in the middle of something because my body starts saying “no more!”  My mind won’t stop thinking about all the things I am trying to accomplish while I am laying there staring at the ceiling. 

I ordered a mobile desk that I thought would slide under the bed. I was hoping to continue working on the computer with the tilted desk slid under, but it did not work.  It wasn’t long enough to put the computer right in front of me. I thought I had found a solution to laying flat and working on the computer. I will figure it out, but it is frustrating to lay in bed with ideas of things that need to be accomplished.

Before the hurricane hit, I had an appointment with this area’s director for my Congressman to discuss the future of people with chronic pain.  Of course, Hurricane Florence changed that, too.  It will take time before this can be followed up on because his first priority right now is the victims of Hurricane Florence.

Someone recently told me it’s ALL baby steps. That’s what life is.  It is short-stride baby steps every step of the way. With this storm, the people in North Carolina and South Carolina will become strong again.  We will just do it with baby steps. #NorthCarolinaStrong

Much Love and Many Prayers,

Cindy

You Are Strong

Strong quote

Wow, I really have felt this quote the past few weeks.  Every day I wake up living with chronic pain, I have to find my strength to get back up and do it all over again.  Without a focus, living this way causes depression in me, so I have been putting all my attention on starting the support group and getting my office put back together. This has created less time for the blog.  I may be posting less, but I am still here.

I wanted to post this for those that just keep moving no matter what, keep putting one foot in front of the other, just keep going, regardless of their circumstances.  You are strong fighters working through hard, painful things every day. I know what you are going through every day.  You aren’t alone.  Just keep moving.

Move Lyrics by TobyMac

Another heartbreak day
Feels like you’re miles away
Don’t even need no shade
When your sun don’t shine, shine
Too many passin’ dreams
Roll by like limousines
It’s hard to keep believin’
When they pass you by and by
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet so
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Echoin’ inside your head
Are the words that your sweet momma said
“Shoot for the moon, my dear”
So you took aim out of this atmosphere
Between high stakes and pump fakes
You’re feelin’ like you can’t buy a break
I can hold your hand, but I can’t turn your eyes to freedom
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet so
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Hold on, hold on
Lord ain’t finished yet
Hold on, hold on
He’ll get you through this
Hold on, hold on
These are the promises
I never will forget
I never will forget, so
Hold on, hold on
The Lord ain’t finished yet
Hold on, hold on
He’ll get you through this
Hold on, hold on
These are the promises
I never will forget
I never will forget
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
But it ain’t over yet, it ain’t over yet
So get up and move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Lift up your head now, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Lift up your head now keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Keep believin’ keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, it ain’t over yet
Songwriters: Bryan Christopher Fowler / Christopher E Stevens / Toby Mc Keehan
Move (Keep Walkin’) lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group
Much Love and Many Prayers,
Cindy