Reinventing The Wheel

Sometimes hubby and I go to a motocross track on the weekend. Hubby races a sports quad, and I really enjoy going too because I grew up around fast cars because of my brothers. I am familiar with the noise and the smells. My dad owned a shop for car repairs, so it was something I was always around. The smell of grease and oil actually reminds me of good memories and that has continued with my hubby.

When we first started going to the track, I was in much better health. Traveling to the motocross tracks was easy, and I could run from jump to jump watching them ride. Since my pain level has increased, we’ve had to improvise.

Hubby brings a generator so I can plug in my heating pad. I have sat in 90-degree heat with it against my back. On the sweltering days, he brings a powerful fan that everyone enjoys. We have a pretty good set up. I know how lucky I am that he helps me to be as comfortable as possible.

The obstacles have been worked out so I can enjoy being there even though I have chronic pain. Hubby loads up all my extra bags of needed items for the trip. I will decide when to take medication or apply a patch, so it is all working together for the most extended moments of pain coverage during the trip and watching him race.

Before chronic pain, I made videos of the guys riding which I really enjoyed doing. Now, I video from a stationary position because I cannot run around the track anymore.

Everything in my life had to change to accommodate my illnesses and going to the track was one of them. At first, I fought it. I wanted life to be like it always had been for me, no struggle to do the things I love.

I am a creature of habit, so I am not too fond of change, but I needed to reinvent myself. I was tired of grieving my old life or the life that I thought I should have. I was profoundly depressed and full of anxiety, and I decided I needed to change. I am learning to reinvent the activities I love by finding solutions to each problem I faced. It’s been two years since I started the process of determining what I needed to do to have a fulfilling life even with chronic pain. Bottom line: I have to accept it.

You may cringe when I mention acceptance of pain. Change is hard, and many people think if you accept your pain, you give up, but it does not have to be that way.

Acceptance is only accepting that you need to make changes to your life.  That is all you agree to. You need to look at it differently and get creative.  If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

This is accomplished by learning new ways to do things you love to do.  The activity may not be exactly the same, but the passion will be there.  You just have to look for it.

Life is messy and painful. It is so hard for me to accept that, but that is what we must understand when living with chronic pain. Reinventing yourself or your activities will not make it easier, but it can resemble the life you had before.

I encourage you to take an inventory of what you loved to do in the past that you can no longer do because of your illness. Break down each problem by finding solutions one by one, then you will reinvent your life.

Much Love & Many Prayers,

Cindy

Photo credit: Cindy

Beautiful People

“The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have still found their way out of the depths.  These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen.”      ——Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

We cannot control the things that happen to us, but we can grow through the pain when bad things happen.  There is a purpose, but you cannot see it yet.  He will bring good out of the most difficult situations.

The struggle up the mountain is difficult and challenging, but at the top is a view that is unimaginable.  Keep fighting the fight and win the race.

Overcoming struggles is what make us strong. We weren’t born brave. We develop it through trials, and sometimes those trials seem so unfair.  I always try to remember this is not the world that God intended for us.

Rest in knowing you are being transformed. Every defeat that brought you down, the suffering that made you feel weak, the struggles to get through each day, and every loss that broke your heart will be used for good.

Who can you reach out to today with compassion and help them on their journey and bring beauty from your pain by helping others with your own experiences?

I hope you will do that this week because everyone needs to hear the encouraging, “You got this.”

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.”
—-Bob Marley

Much Love & Many Prayers,

Cindy

The Perspective of Chronic Illness

I wanted to share this quote I found today that might help someone with their daily struggles with chronic illness.

“I choose joy… I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical…the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.” ——Max Lucado, Upwords

Circumstance.

Perspective.

Two significant words in this world today for everyone, not just people with chronic pain.

We cannot be ruled by our circumstances. Our lives are easier to live when we look for the beauty in our broken parts and in the world and when we accept where we are at in that point in time.

However, our perspectives do rule our lives, and it is something we can work on changing.

Some people get angry when the talk is about “controlling pain with your mind.” No, I do not believe you can control your pain with your mind. But I do believe the journey can be lighter with a change in our mindset.

Today, find one thing that is good in your life and praise Him for it.

Much Love and Many Prayers,

Cindy

Goodbye Hurricane Florence

I have been sitting at my desk just staring.  I am exhausted, but I’m still trying to keep going.  It has been a little over one week since I began preparing for Hurricane Florence to hit us. 

The storm nailed our area.  Went right over us. We are ok, thank God, but so many other lives have been completely devastated.

I cannot imagine the pain that people all around me are in today. I am really sad today even though we have been spared the worst.  I’m sad for what the people with pain are going through trying to survive if they lost their homes, their medicines, or other medical devices. 

I know that BCBSNC has a healthline for it’s members in North Carolina 1-877-477-2424.

There is also free for this area MDs live through Teladoc 1-855-756-8708  & MDLive 1-888-959-9516 .

Also, call Magellen for national crisis line for help in this area 1-800-327-7451

If anyone wants to volunteer, North Carolina Organizations Active in Disaster

Like everyone else, I pushed my body way past the breaking point, and then some, to do what we had to do.  I wanted to keep mom comfortable while power was out. Being 83 years old, I was more concerned about her with the heat than anything else.

IMG_0003

We cooked some really great food on the grill during the storm.  I’m sure I gained 15 pounds. Hot eggs with sausage and english muffins each morning is not bad.  This picture was during the calm after the storm.  We didn’t take the time to take pictures of the other meals but believe me, we ate good. So, thankful.

 

We are so blessed with only water damage from the roof leaking, so that makes me feel guilty for even thinking about feeling bad at this moment while looking out the window at the perfectly Carolina blue sky.

A couple of my friends bailed and can’t get back.  One friend is stuck with only 5 gallons of gas a neighbor graciously gave them because someone siphoned my friend’s gas out of their truck. Another good friend’s daughter lost everything of hers and her three children.

On a happier note, we have some really great neighbors across the street that stood in line for a long time to go in groups of ten at a time into the grocery store to get food for all of us.

At the same time they were there, we were also able to get out on one road to a small town with a small Walmart.  The shelves were empty, but they had water. While the store was extremely packed and busy, everyone was being polite and helpful even though we were all worried about getting back to our homes because of the continuing down pour and the fact that the flood waters were rising fast.

When the worst of the storm was over for us, we were able to help other friends out with gas, water, and food.  I have seen first hand how a disaster brings out the best in people, but I would like to catch the thief that stole gas from my friend!

A note about the support group and advocacy work: 

I sent a proposal to a new church about using their facilities for our meetings.  The storm will likely slow down the progress of it being approved.  I will just need to have patience.

Even before the hurricane, the physical pain put me in bed many times during the day leaving me unable to get things completed. 

It is very hard to get anything started, much less finished because I must stop in the middle of something because my body starts saying “no more!”  My mind won’t stop thinking about all the things I am trying to accomplish while I am laying there staring at the ceiling. 

I ordered a mobile desk that I thought would slide under the bed. I was hoping to continue working on the computer with the tilted desk slid under, but it did not work.  It wasn’t long enough to put the computer right in front of me. I thought I had found a solution to laying flat and working on the computer. I will figure it out, but it is frustrating to lay in bed with ideas of things that need to be accomplished.

Before the hurricane hit, I had an appointment with this area’s director for my Congressman to discuss the future of people with chronic pain.  Of course, Hurricane Florence changed that, too.  It will take time before this can be followed up on because his first priority right now is the victims of Hurricane Florence.

Someone recently told me it’s ALL baby steps. That’s what life is.  It is short-stride baby steps every step of the way. With this storm, the people in North Carolina and South Carolina will become strong again.  We will just do it with baby steps. #NorthCarolinaStrong

Much Love and Many Prayers,

Cindy

You Are Strong

Strong quote

Wow, I really have felt this quote the past few weeks.  Every day I wake up living with chronic pain, I have to find my strength to get back up and do it all over again.  Without a focus, living this way causes depression in me, so I have been putting all my attention on starting the support group and getting my office put back together. This has created less time for the blog.  I may be posting less, but I am still here.

I wanted to post this for those that just keep moving no matter what, keep putting one foot in front of the other, just keep going, regardless of their circumstances.  You are strong fighters working through hard, painful things every day. I know what you are going through every day.  You aren’t alone.  Just keep moving.

Move Lyrics by TobyMac

Another heartbreak day
Feels like you’re miles away
Don’t even need no shade
When your sun don’t shine, shine
Too many passin’ dreams
Roll by like limousines
It’s hard to keep believin’
When they pass you by and by
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet so
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Echoin’ inside your head
Are the words that your sweet momma said
“Shoot for the moon, my dear”
So you took aim out of this atmosphere
Between high stakes and pump fakes
You’re feelin’ like you can’t buy a break
I can hold your hand, but I can’t turn your eyes to freedom
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet so
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Hold on, hold on
Lord ain’t finished yet
Hold on, hold on
He’ll get you through this
Hold on, hold on
These are the promises
I never will forget
I never will forget, so
Hold on, hold on
The Lord ain’t finished yet
Hold on, hold on
He’ll get you through this
Hold on, hold on
These are the promises
I never will forget
I never will forget
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
But it ain’t over yet, it ain’t over yet
So get up and move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Lift up your head now, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Lift up your head now keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Keep believin’ keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, it ain’t over yet
Songwriters: Bryan Christopher Fowler / Christopher E Stevens / Toby Mc Keehan
Move (Keep Walkin’) lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group
Much Love and Many Prayers,
Cindy

Bouncing Back

I am starting to become discouraged because of my limited abilities lately. I tell myself that I am not a burden, but sometimes I do not believe it. Even though it feels like it will never go away, I must remember that this level of pain is not going to be forever. But sometimes when you are in severe pain, that is all you can see and feel and taste, so it can be hard to change your perspective to a healthy one.

I will have a break in the severe pain eventually. I know this. I have begun to notice the rhythms of my pain. I’m learning to go with it instead of fighting every step. I may not be able to change that I am in pain, but suffering is optional.

After all the hoopla in the last post about the opioid symposium last week, I ended up not going to the event. I admit that I was disappointed that I would not be able to make a connection with my state representative, but my mom had a medical event. She is 83, and I am her caretaker. She is self-sufficient usually, but I did not want to leave her until I was sure that it was only a virus and nothing serious.

As soon as I have the time, I will request a visit with my state government officials to discuss how chronic pain affects every aspect of our lives and how their decisions will impact the chronic pain community.

I am not advocating for opioids around the clock for everyone. I want people to understand the reason there is such a backlash from chronic pain patients about wanting their opioids is because the government agencies are leaving us with no alternatives that actually work to replace the pain relieving medicines they want to take away. I believe every person I have spoken to about this issue has said that they would never take another opioid IF they had something else that actually worked to relieve their pain.

We need more research on pain because everyone experiences it differently. How we perceive pain is a complex interaction between mind and body. There is nothing that happens in the individual that affects only the mind or only the body. This interaction involves the nervous system and other factors, which include: genetic, culture, modeling, thoughts, stress, history of abuse, and trauma.

Right now pain research is lacking, but many people are deep in the trenches working tirelessly on changing the fact that we do not have affordable, effective alternative to the opioid medicines. You can also help by telling your story to your elected officials and make them understand our difficult situation, so more money is allocated for studies about pain.

My mom is feeling much better today, and I am getting back into my regular rhythm which helps me to feel the best I can. I have been in extra pain because of the rainy, hot weeks we have been having. Also, I cannot seem to bounce back from the trip to Chicago for the chronic pain support group training.  I am pushing the first organized meeting in September. I am praying that I will be able to get everything done in that timeframe.

What positive things do you do when you get discouraged by not bouncing back as fast as you would like from a flare? Do you get impatient and push through the pain or do you realize you need to up the self-care?

Much Love and Many Prayers,
Cindy

Help My Mission

Surf’s Up

I started writing an ethical will for my three sons a couple of years ago.

I’ve never finished it because I have so much I want to tell them. I just don’t know where to stop.

An ethical will is a way to tell your loved ones your values, blessings, life lessons, hopes, and dreams for the future. It’s simple really.

It can actually be about anything you feel is valuable information to pass down to the next generation, and you do not have to wait to die to pass it on to your family members.

You can give them a copy at any time for any reason, or no reason at all.

It is not a legal document of any kind.  It’s just thoughts and things you want to share.

Don’t we all have times when we wish we had one more moment in time to tell that special person something that we value deeply?

Here is just a tiny sampling of things I have written in my ethical will of words of wisdom I want to pass on to my children.

Life is hard no matter what path you go down.

The people beside you are hurting in some way just like you. 

That’s just reality.

EVERYTHING depends on how YOU react to it.

You can try to find positive instead of looking for the negative.

It’s harder work, but it pays off with dividends:    Joy.

I guarantee you’ll have joy if you learn to ride the wave instead of drowning in the wave. 

Much Love and Many Prayers,

Cindy

JULY Chronic Pain Support Group Update:
I am waiting on the final go ahead from the community agency that is allowing me to lead a chronic pain support group at their facility locally.
I will now be making the flyers and cards to give out at doctor’s offices locally and to put up around town.
The dream is slowly coming together.  I want to thank everyone that is supporting and encouraging me; specifically, my hubby.  This is probably one of the craziest ideas I’ve ever thrown at him but he has never lost a step right beside me.  Always & Forever.
Help My Mission of helping others live the best life they can with chronic pain.
________________________
Photo Credit (I could not bring myself to crop the photo – the colors were too awesome- so it is too large but beautiful) by Paul Larkin on Unsplash 

 

 

 

Sunshine Blogger Award

 

I would like to thank Wendi over at SimplyChronicallyIll for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award.  Wendi shares her story of living simply with multiple chronic illness. Her words are honest, and I think you will be blessed by her thoughts so go check her out.

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS…

THE RULES

1.) Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and link back to their blog

2.) Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you

3.) Nominate 11 new blogs to receive this award, and write them 11 new questions

4.) List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

 

Questions for me:

  1. What is your favorite thing about blogging awards?    I love reading the answers and getting to know other people around the world.  The questions take us a little deeper into each other’s lives allowing us to see that we have many things in common.  Having this community to interact with about our chronic pain/illness helps removes the feelings of isolation.
  2. If you were a sports car, which one would you want to be and why?  It would have to be a Ford Mustang.  The family business was an auto repair shop. My two older brothers had hot rods, and I was raised by them to love Fords.  I was more of a tomboy than a girlie-girl, and I remember it as a time to spend time with my brother.  I usually annoyed him to death but, secretly, I think he liked it that I was interested.
  3. If you could only eat one color of food for a week, what color would it be? My first thought is green.  There is so many good for you foods that are green: Brussel sprouts, broccoli, butter beans (I’m a southern girl), asparagus, peas, and more than I cannot think of right now.
  4. What is your favorite movie line and why? From Hope Floats:  “Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That’s what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too…”  I saw this movie for the first time during a new beginning in my life and the movie just resonated with me.  This line always stuck with me.  It is one of my favorite movies.
  5. If you had to leave your house and take only 10 things with you (excluding all living beings) what would they be? Cell phone to call people, pen and paper to write with, a box books to read, computer to keep up with the world, my favorite sweater that is a deep wine/cherry (somehow it goes with everything), my medicines, my cane. headphones (cannot live without music), my datebook (otherwise I won’t have a clue what I am supposed to be doing), and sun glasses to shade my eyes because I have sensitive eyes and have migraines easily.
  6. Describe yourself in two words. God’s Beloved.
  7. What is one sporting activity that you enjoy watching? Most anything racing or motorcross related. I grew up with brothers and they were big into fast cars. Now hubby and I are in to motorcross.  He rides, I watch or video whenever I am physically able to do it.
  8.  If you could give one piece of advice for all the world to hear what would it be? Do not be afraid to be vulnerable. There are so many misunderstandings because people do not say what they really feel.  Insecurities hold people back from allowing others to truly know them. Since everyone has had varied life experience, we have a completely unique perception of the world than the next person.  Hoping that the other person will figure out what you are thinking is setting yourself up for communication failure.  
  9. What is your favorite encouraging quote?  “You can’t fly if you don’t jump.” unknown. I am always too scared to jump. I am trying to overcome that. 
  10.  If you had to learn a made up language, which one would you choose and why? Pig Latin because it sounds cool.
  11.  If you were to learn to play an instrument which one would you choose?A very long time ago, I played clarinet and the piano.  If I had my piano, I would still play it. If I had time, I’d love to be able to play the guitar.

My  Questions:

  1. When was the last time you changed your opinion/belief about something major?
  2. If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what rule would you make?
  3. What is one of your favorite smells?
  4. What song or artist do you like but rarely admit to liking?
  5. What risks are worth taking?
  6. What small gesture from a stranger made a big impact on you?
  7. What makes a good life?
  8. What’s the title of the current chapter of your life?
  9. If you could make a 20 second phone call to yourself at any point in your life present or future, when would you call and what would you say?
  10. What are some of your personal “rules” that you never break?
  11. If you could have a never-ending candle that smelled like anything you wanted, what fragrance would you want it to be?

My Nominees:

Discovering Your Happiness

Reclaiming Hope

Looking For the Light

My Lil Place

My Loud BiPolar Whispers

Pointless Overthinking

Mom Life with Chiari

The Depression Free Garden

Simply Chronically Ill

Chronic Pain Supergirl

As always, I would love to hear everyone’s answers, but I understand if you are unable to complete it.

Thanks to Simply Chronically Ill for the nomination.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Sunday.

Much Love and Many Prayer,

Cindy

Check Out My 100th Follower

Yippee!

I hit 100 follows on on June 24, 2018.  I wanted to give a shout out to my 100th follow Phoebe Chi (Puppydoc)-Musings of a Puppy Doc.  

The Puppy Doc shares poetry about being a caregiver as a medical professional and helpful health related articles.

The depth of her caring is evident in her writing.  I hope you will go check her blog out.

Thank you PuppyDoc for helping me reach 100 follows!